Feel free to ask our native teachers to correct your sentences here on the forum.
“Despite being told that medicine was a strenuous and demanding career, I am ultimately inspired by the skillful way in which doctors apply their clinical knowledge for a compassionate cause. Medics require a high level of understanding and maturity and various periods of work experience have shown me some difficulties that they may face”
This is a possible opener for my medical personal statement. Does it make sense? is it persuasive enough? Any suggestions to rephrase it?
Siri,
The first sentence is pretty good. However, the second sentence needs some work.
Just from reading these two sentences, I would actually suggest that you get rid of the second sentence altogether because it talks about a different topic than the first sentence. Putting them in the same paragraph makes it a little disjointed.
Furthermore, “medics” are not just doctors – the word applies to other health care professionals, and saying medics reminds me much more of EMTs than MDs. Instead, your second sentence should go along with the first one – expand on these compassionate causes that you’ve seen, or how skillful doctors apply their skills in a human way.
For example:
Despite being told that medicine was a strenuous and demanding career, I am ultimately inspired by the skillful way in which doctors apply their clinical knowledge for a compassionate cause. More than any other profession, my interactions with doctors as both a patient and a shadow have shown me the expert way in which the best doctors balance their need for clinical professionalism and the fact that they are working with humans, each of which has a family and friends that care for them.
If you really wanted to talk about the “high level of understanding and maturity and various periods of work experience have shown me some difficulties that they may face”, you could use the examples that you mention in the body of the statement.
If you want to talk about a doctor you shadowed that went through a difficulty with a patient, for example, that would make it really good!
Does this sentence makes any sense (informal). When, did you last speak to albert.
A man who thinks himself wise, and stealthy.